Motivations 4U

  Have you ever felt angry or hurt because of something your partner said or did?   Setting healthy boundaries can help you protect your emotional energy and deepen the connection within your relationship.   Boundaries are the guidelines we set about our expectations, availability, and energy. Because boundaries communicate how we feel, they prevent us from overcommitting or feeling resentful. They also help give others guidelines on how to treat you.   They do not have to be hard, aggressive rules. Setting boundaries allows us to be transparent with our partner about how we feel so that we can have a deeper, longer, lasting relationship.   The word boundary might be interpreted as pushing someone away. It is better described as an invitation to let your partner in to learn more about you and your needs.   Setting boundaries with your partner can improve the strength of your relationship. Not only are you inviting your partner to learn more about you, but you are al

Your mom certainly advised you to always tell the truth. Though honesty is often the best path, there are times when a little dishonesty makes sense.   In an ideal world, you’d only speak when your words are honest, kind, and helpful. Unfortunately, there are many times the truth isn’t kind. Do you really want to tell your wife that she looks fat in her dress? Would it be appropriate to tell someone that you don’t think he could ever complete a marathon after hearing of his plans?   What if telling the truth is painful but helpful? It isn’t always cut and dry that being honest is the best policy.   Consider your options before speaking:   1.      Ask yourself how you will feel afterward. Will you feel better or worse? Look ahead and determine if you’ll regret your honesty or lack of honesty. We’ve all said things without thinking that we later regret. Consider the long-term, too. 2.      Consider how the other person will feel. When you’re done speaking, will the othe

I don't know about you, but I didn't get sober to be miserable. I had spent years trying to figure out this sobriety thing I was in and out of the halls of AA and treatment centers. And I had had various lengths of sobriety. But there seemed to be something missing, something I wasn't getting. There were times that I had felt peace and serenity but true contentment? What was that? Over the past few years, I have realized or recognized some of the key elements in the various programs that I had attended AA, refuge recovery, the different programs I was researching NLP, DBT, CBT, and I started listening to motivational speakers such as Tony Robbins, Dean Graziosi, Mel Robbins, and Jens Sicero. All of them had similar approaches, although their techniques might have been a little different. I also was trying to find motivational speakers, particularly women in recovery, and I didn't see many actually; I didn't find any that I could identify with. So as I started learni

  You’ve probably heard that you can only get where you want to be if you know where you’re going. This pithy statement is as true now as the first time it was said. So how do you come to know where you’re going, so you can get where you want to be?   To start with, goals are crucial. When we set goals, what we’re really trying to do is to bring each piece of our lives in line with our overall vision for ourselves. Using a powerful vision-setting process can help you set more effective goals, since you can chart a course that will take you toward and support your vision.   Do you have a vision for each segment of your life? Do you know where you’re headed spiritually, socially, relationally, physically, financially, and more?   Use this process to help you create a vision that works for you:   1.      Write down your vision for a particular aspect of your life. Write a couple of paragraphs describing what you’d like to have or be. There’s no right or wrong. In fact, y

 You may have been advised to spend more time in the "present moment," but what does this really mean? Present moment thinking has been the concentration of eastern religions for thousands of years.  Religion And Philosophy   Some people are tempted to turn away immediately when Eastern philosophy is brought up just because they think it might threaten their core religious beliefs. There are no religious impositions, though; the present moment is available to everyone in every moment, no matter who you are. In fact, most religions, in one way or another, agree with the belief of living in the moment, not in the past or future.   Eastern Religions And The Present Moment   There are many different divisions of religion in the East, just like the West. Many of them differ with certain beliefs and philosophies, but many agree on the importance of the present moment.  In recent decades, the West has been picking up on these ancient philosophies, and many people use the

  Can you find balance in your life? Some say you can, while others say there is no such thing if you want to be highly successful.   It's true that many of the most high-profile successful people have anything but balanced lives. But, many of them are also miserable too.   You can attain a high level of success and enjoy all the aspects of your life that mean the most to you.   Find balance with these strategies:   Cut back on the non-essentials. If you're struggling to find balance in your life, a lack of time is the most common issue. Take a look at how you spend your time each week. What are the activities you can do without? Avoid wasting time. Now, consider all the ways you genuinely waste time. This might include watching TV reruns, surfing the internet, or window shopping. The more time you can find in your life to apply to the things that matter, the more balanced you can make your life. Set your priorities. Know what bala

  Many of us get angry, annoyed, frustrated, or downright pissed off from time to time. It is normal to feel these feelings with someone you love in particular. I know for some of us, anger issues are a part of our pattern and either the cause or result of our substance abuse. It doesn't really matter which came first. If this is a problem for you, then you have developed a habit, if you will, of getting angry and maybe even explosive. Some people will call it "anger issues" and look for resolutions in "anger management" groups. And this may work for some people. It has been my experience that anger is not the issue. It is a result of underlining issues.  One major issue is communication or, more accurately, miscommunication. This usually comes in the form of misunderstandings because people "assume." We all look at things, situations with filters from our past experiences. In other words, how I interpret what you say or do is primarily affected by my

Every relationship requires boundaries. What are boundaries?  Personal boundaries set limits on how others can behave in your presence and interact with you.   Certainly, your boundaries have been violated at some point in your life. Maybe a partner used language that was unacceptable toward you. Perhaps someone invaded your privacy by asking you a personal question you considered inappropriate.   What are your boundaries? How do you show others where you draw the line? Once your lines are clear, they benefit you and those around you.   Consider these areas in determining your personal boundaries:   Physical boundaries. Physical boundaries include space. There are certain people whom you feel comfortable standing much closer to than others. Your partner can stand closer to you than a friend, and a friend closer than a coworker. Maybe a coworker can stand closer than a stranger. ●       Touch. There are certain people you allow to touch you, and others you do n

  What would your life look like if you were free from worrying about the opinions of others? What if seeking the approval of other people failed to enter your mind? How would it change your life? Our lives are negatively influenced by the fear of rejection. It holds us back in so many ways and limits our ability to experience the positive aspects of life.   Consider these ideas to banish your fear of rejection:   1.      Rejection is largely a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you’re constantly worried about rejection, it changes the way you act. You become anxious and defensive. Those actions may cause you to be rejected by others. After all, who wants to spend time with someone who’s unpleasant to be around?   ·        Consider how this fear is affecting your behavior. Are you acting in a way that’s causing others to reject you?   2.      Focus on how you want to feel. Most people focus on how they don’t want to feel, but they haven’t considered how they want to feel.

  When I think I am better than or less than, I’m dealing with worthiness. I am evaluating my worth compared to some standard either I set for myself or I feel is expected of me. I am not in a state of compassion for myself or anyone else. Actually, if you don’t have compassion for yourself, you can’t have it for anyone else. We are all doing the best we can. In Brene Brown’s book Rising Strong, she talks about how she came to believe this to be true. And by having this belief, it had changed her perspective on the world and her place in it. I also had a similar experience.   My son’s father and I had been split up for several years, and I was struggling with forgiving him, letting go, and moving on. I was so angry, and I felt justified in my anger. I did not want to give him The satisfaction of forgiveness. It was also one of the reasons why I could not stay sober. The resentment had me hostage. One of my sisters invited me on a retreat.   It was some type of religious retreat for h