Motivations 4U

 No matter how hard we may try, there’s just no way to avoid some difficult conversations. However, there are positive things you can say and do to help you handle them better.   Your first response may be to change the subject when faced with a difficult discussion. This won’t solve the problem or heal the hurt that caused the situation in the first place. It’s better to take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, and face the difficulty now rather than later.   Remember it’s not your job to fix the situation unless you were directly involved. People sometimes just need a friend to listen to when they’re going through tough circumstances. They really don’t want you to fix things for them.   Being available to listen is sometimes the best way to show your friend that you care.   If the situation requires you to talk with someone going through difficulties, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What would you want a friend to say to you if you were in that situ

 One of the most difficult things for many people but particularly addicts and alcoholics is communication. And spend my experience personally and working with others that addicts tend to lack interpersonal skills. Whether we are innately shy or have not developed those communications due to our isolation. When we get clean and sober, we must communicate to other people how we're feeling, which could be one of the most challenging things to do. For a lot of us, we drank and drugged those feelings away. Sometimes we don't even know what those feelings are; it's hard for us to identify them, never mind communicate them to someone. Also, a lot of times, we lack the confidence to express ourselves to other people. Through my courses,  groups, and one-on-one, I teach that, like anything else, it takes practice. People may think that it is bizarre that a grown person would need to practice communicating, but if you are someone who hasn't done a lot of it or a lot of healthy

Your mom certainly advised you to always tell the truth. Though honesty is often the best path, there are times when a little dishonesty makes sense.   In an ideal world, you’d only speak when your words are honest, kind, and helpful. Unfortunately, there are many times the truth isn’t kind. Do you really want to tell your wife that she looks fat in her dress? Would it be appropriate to tell someone that you don’t think he could ever complete a marathon after hearing of his plans?   What if telling the truth is painful but helpful? It isn’t always cut and dry that being honest is the best policy.   Consider your options before speaking:   1.      Ask yourself how you will feel afterward. Will you feel better or worse? Look ahead and determine if you’ll regret your honesty or lack of honesty. We’ve all said things without thinking that we later regret. Consider the long-term, too. 2.      Consider how the other person will feel. When you’re done speaking, will the othe

Would you like to have a stronger, happier relationship? Happiness in a relationship is the result of several small things done on a daily basis. These small tasks are within your capabilities. A little time and attention can grow your relationship into a great source of happiness for both of you.   Strengthen your relationship each day by following these strategies of happy couples:   1.      Confront each other effectively. No relationship is free from disagreements. The most important issue is how those disagreements are handled. Handle your disagreements quickly and fairly. Address behaviors and forget about personal insults. Seek to find a resolution rather than proving who is right or wrong. 2.      Have compatible goals. Is your dream to travel the world, never staying in one place for more than a few months? Is your partner's dream to have five kids and live in her hometown, having dinner with her parents every night? One of you is going to be miserable.  

  Many of us get angry, annoyed, frustrated, or downright pissed off from time to time. It is normal to feel these feelings with someone you love in particular. I know for some of us, anger issues are a part of our pattern and either the cause or result of our substance abuse. It doesn't really matter which came first. If this is a problem for you, then you have developed a habit, if you will, of getting angry and maybe even explosive. Some people will call it "anger issues" and look for resolutions in "anger management" groups. And this may work for some people. It has been my experience that anger is not the issue. It is a result of underlining issues.  One major issue is communication or, more accurately, miscommunication. This usually comes in the form of misunderstandings because people "assume." We all look at things, situations with filters from our past experiences. In other words, how I interpret what you say or do is primarily affected by my