So much of
the self-talk that I've had for years went like this; if I say I'm pretty or intelligent,
I'm conceited. If I beat myself up for my mistakes or, just in general, get on
my butt, I will be more motivated to do things. If I beat myself up for being
lazy or beat myself up for procrastinating or for the mistakes that I made, if
I didn't do it right the first time or the 100th time, beating myself up would
motivate me to do better. And I don't know about you, but that hasn't worked
for me too well. I know the clients that
I work with it hasn't worked for them either.
One of the reasons they sought out help for
counseling was that their lives weren't working out too well. One of the
reasons is we have this self-talk that tells us all these negative things, and we
think it's helping us, but in fact, it's not; it's doing the opposite. So when
I beat myself up for a mistake, it doesn't motivate me it makes me feel like
crap. It makes me feel like I'm unworthy or incapable of doing whatever it is
that I'm set out to do.
This
philosophy or this idea that if I get harder on myself, I will produce more
results is ludicrous! It's wrong! So how do we fix that?
That takes a
lot of practice, and it takes time. After years and years of having this
negative self talk like I said, it's going to take some time and practice in
order to reverse that.
The first
step, of course, is awareness. You cannot fix what you don't know is broken. You
have to become aware of when you're negatively self-talking. What I usually do
is I will call myself on it. When I recognize that I am talking to myself like
that, I'll say, "stop it, that's BS!!"
I might flip
the script and state the facts, the actual facts of the matter. I may reverse
the idea of the negative self-talk and make it more positive. If I've made a
mistake and I'm calling myself a dumb ass, I'm going to say stop it; you're not a dumb
ass. You made a mistake. You are human, and what can I learn from this? What
can I take away from this? This is an opportunity for growth. It's not a bad
thing. It is actually a good thing because now I'm one step closer to achieving
my goal now that I know that it takes many failures to be successful.
And that's
the other thing that I used to tell myself. I used to think I was a failure or
that failure meant that you weren't successful. The truth of the matter is,
failure is part of success.
You talk to
any successful person, and they will tell you they have failed many times. I
can go into the failure list of the people that have failed. One just off the
top of my head is Colonel Sanders. He got 1000 no's before he got his first yes.
Colonel Sanders KFC.
Now, I know,
when I make a mistake, I say I'm one step closer to my goal. What can I learn
from this? This is an opportunity for growth. Changing the language, reframing
it to the positive, now that gets me motivated! That works!!
It has
worked for me, and I know it's work for other people too.
Flipping
the script
· Call BS on your stuff
· Become aware of this self-talk
· Call yourself out on it
· State the facts, is it really true?
· Flip the script to "You know I'm
not an idiot. I'm actually an intelligent person, and I'm not conceited by
saying that I'm an intelligent person. What can I learn from this?"
I hope this
has helped you.
Like my
posts? Please follow
me on Facebook or Instagram under Recovery Enthusiast. I also have a podcast on
Anchor and Spotify under Motivations 4U. I'm also on YouTube; you can follow my
journey. And if you really can't get enough of me, you can check out my courses
on recoveryenthusiast.com or MasterMind.com (just click on the links)
As always,
stay blessed and live your life Enthusiastically!!
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