Forgiveness
Definition of forgiveness: interpersonal
forgiveness is a willingness to abandon one's right to resentment, negative
judgment, and indifferent behavior toward one who unjustly injured us while
fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, generosity, and even love toward
him or her.
Other people will inevitably get you upset,
disappoint you, and at times hurt or offend you. However, the fact is, if
you are always looking for reasons to be offended or hurt, you will find them. Instead,
try to look for the good in others the same way that you would want them to
focus on the good and you.
Forgiveness, ultimately, is for you, not for
them. I've had people say to me I will not give them the satisfaction of
forgiving them; I will not let them off the hook that easily. But that is the
meaning of the saying drinking poison and expecting my enemies to die.
Forgiveness is freedom for you. Of course, this is easier said than done. It is
tough to apologize for your part in something, especially when you don't
receive one for their part. But this is about cleaning your spirit, your soul,
and keeping yourself free Now, I'm not saying forgiving someone allows
them to keep hurting you, nor should you ignore poor behavior or subject
yourself to unhealthy situations. If you are in a relationship where you're
apologizing for your part and they never apologize for theirs, you might want
to take a look at that relationship. Perhaps it's not a relationship you should
be in. If it's with someone like a co-worker, where you have no control over it,
or it appears that way, you can be assertive in a non-threatening way and not
engage any more than necessary. More on assertiveness later.
Being right is overrated- being right can feel good, and being right can
be virtuous. However, sometimes holding on to the desire to be "right"
in a disagreement comes at the expense of peace and forgiveness. Sometimes
dropping the dispute over who is right and who is wrong and focusing on letting
go and moving on is better than stubbornly holding on to a grudge.
Convince yourself of the fact resentment only hurts you. Resentment
(holding onto anger over insult or injury) serves no purpose for your own
well-being. It may feel like it is useful to hold onto bitterness and keep
reliving the past. Sometimes people like the attention they get from being the
victim. Or sometimes people have justifiable anger and seek people to reinforce
that belief. But in actuality, holding on to this resentment, this anger (grudge)
only hurts you. Forgiveness is for your own good.
Sometimes you have to let go of the myth of
fairness- fairness and justice are beautiful and important principles
that we should strive for and value in life. However, a person can spend
a lifetime being angry over unfair treatment at the expense of moving on and
maintaining their own inner peace. Sometimes life is unfair and out of our
control despite our strongest desires for fairness and justice.
It is benevolent and wise to always seek justice...
But it is naive and foolish to always expect it.
Practice empathy- in some situations, you can try to understand why
someone may have done something hurtful it may help you move past it. Sometimes
people act out of fear and be as simple as talking with them to better
understand.
Seek
first to understand then to be understood
~Stephen
R. Covey
Address your pain- when it comes to more
serious issues such as past trauma, it can be vital to seek help and
support you need so that, with time, you can let go of the pain and sustain the
healing process. This can be both an emotional and spiritual journey of acceptance
and peace. (forgiveness is about letting go, seeking peace, looking
outside of oneself, healing, and personal growth- all of which are
aspects of many people's faith; however, even if you do not have specific
beliefs, forgiveness in itself is very spiritual)
After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering
even after the stone has sunk to the bottom.
~Arthur
Golden
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As always,
stay blessed and live your life Enthusiastically!!
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