The Failure List

 

In talking about self-esteem, one of the components is competency. Competence is defined as having the ability to navigate life's challenges, to think, understand, learn, and make decisions. I think we get stuck because we feel incapable of doing things or incapable of asking for help. Maybe there was a time when we had people doing things for us, and although they were doing it out of love, they were not helping us build capabilities for ourselves. As a counselor, in the field of addiction, over the years, I have found one of the best things I can do for my clients is to have them do things for themselves, whether that be calling their doctors to make appointments or setting up a new provider. Having them set up and follow through on interviews with job placements, having them call their POs to check-in, let them know where they are, etc. Sometimes we feel that we are incapable of doing tasks, and when we ask for help, we get upset when people won't do it for us. I remember as a kid, when I would ask my dad to spell a word for me, he would refer me to the dictionary that we had. At the time, I resented him for it, but I am an avid dictionary connoisseur today; actually, it's all virtual now, so I'm a Google connoisseur, lol. The point is capability builds confidence.

 It's OK to fail. Actually, failure is part of success, not the opposite of it. If you look at any successful person, you are looking at the end result of many failures. I often refer to the failure list, which I received from my daughter when she was in grade school. Here are some highlights. Walter Disney was fired from his editor job for lack of imagination. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. I happen to think this failure made him a better player. Because not only did he not quit, but he went home and practiced extra hard. His parents had to drag him in at night to go to bed. Had he not been cut from the team, he probably wouldn't have gone home and practice extra hard, which in the end made him a better player, one of the best. Another one is Colonel Sanders. He received 1000 no's before he got his first yes. Many of you know Colonel Sanders, founder of KFC (Kentucky fried chicken.) The WD-40 product got its name from well, WD is water displacement, but the 40 was the 40 attempts the inventors had before the successful end product we use today!

Today I look at challenges differently than I had when I was younger. I see them as learning experiences,  character builders that will enhance my life, strengthen my growth, self-esteem, and confidence. Now I'm not saying I don't get frustrated, but I don't let that frustration stop me. There may be times when I get frustrated, and I need to walk away for a few moments. That's OK as long as I returned to complete the task. There may be times I feel incapable, unqualified, or, as Dean Graziosi puts it," impostor syndrome." We all feel that way sometimes. The important thing is not to let it stop you.

Self-esteem is internal, an ability to overcome life challenges. Mistakes are merely lessons, and we should learn from them. Failure is part of success and builds capability as well as confidence. Providing you don't quit! Practice, practice, practice! Practice makes progress. Never shoot for perfection; it's a trap!!

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