Motivations 4U

 As I sit here on a beautiful Sunday morning, I wonder what stops me from being the amazing, successful person I want to be? I read a lot and watch all kinds of motivational talks, so I desperately want to be a motivational speaker. I know I have a lot to offer, and I'm told I run excellent groups at the facility I work at. So why do I feel like I'm in my own way?  I suppose a lot has to do with the negative self-talk I still have chattering in my head. The " you don't really think you're smart enough to pull that one off" talk. As a child, I struggled in school and barely got by. When I look back on those years, though, I tend to think that I really had given up trying. Learning was too much work for me (of course, I didn't realize that every other child felt the same way). I was never encouraged or challenged as a child to do better. Now I'm not going to sit here and blame my parents for not instilling a love for learning here because not only did th

What is it about hitting a milestone in your life that makes you freak out?        I remember turning thirty and thinking I'm a stay at home mom, I need to have this perfect home, be the perfect wife and all will be well. Ok miss Cleaver how did that work out for ya? By the time I hit forty I was full blown alcoholic in rehab and not home and kids not speaking to me. I've done a lot of stupid stuff that led me to that point. Stuff I can't change.       And so now here I sit 48 going on 49 and feeling like Whoa, where has my life gone?! Now I did clean up my act. I now work as a case manager for an addiction treatment facility and my kids do speak to me. I actually have a grandson that has stolen my heart. I am blessed. I live with my sister and her husband, which isn't the worst thing in the world but I want more. I'm also in school trying to better my life. But like I said I want more. Every time I think about wanting more my heart races and my throat goes dry. I