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Where are you going?!

What is it about hitting a milestone in your life that makes you freak out?        I remember turning thirty and thinking I'm a stay at home mom, I need to have this perfect home, be the perfect wife and all will be well. Ok miss Cleaver how did that work out for ya? By the time I hit forty I was full blown alcoholic in rehab and not home and kids not speaking to me. I've done a lot of stupid stuff that led me to that point. Stuff I can't change.       And so now here I sit 48 going on 49 and feeling like Whoa, where has my life gone?! Now I did clean up my act. I now work as a case manager for an addiction treatment facility and my kids do speak to me. I actually have a grandson that has stolen my heart. I am blessed. I live with my sister and her husband, which isn't the worst thing in the world but I want more. I'm also in school trying to better my life. But like I said I want more. Every time I think about wanting more my heart races and my throat goes dry. I